Zen Teachings.....

Discussion in 'Offtopic Lounge' started by basicstrategy777, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. basicstrategy777, Oct 11, 2016

    basicstrategy777

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    Some important Zen teachings.

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
    ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for
    the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell
    alone.

    2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you
    aren't getting any.

    3. No one is listening until you fart.

    4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone
    else.

    5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or
    dead, try missing a couple of payments.

    7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
    their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
    mile away and you have their shoes.

    8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
    you.

    9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
    how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all
    day.

    10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
    it was probably well worth it.

    11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
    anything.

    12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the
    tree.

    13. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first
    time.

    14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of
    that comes from bad judgment.

    15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.
    Neither one works.

    17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
    your lips are moving.

    18. Experience is something you don't get until just
    after you need it.

    19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on
    our ass... then things just keep getting worse.

    20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
    a laxative on the same night.
    777
     
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